I turn 4 today

Today marks my 4 year birthday. 4 years ago today I decided to take my life back and quit drinking. So much has changed in these 4 years. Physically, mentally and emotionally. I am much stronger than I ever gave myself credit for, that I know for sure. In this past week I also had my actual birthday as well. I turned 41 and while having Christmas, birthday, New Years and my sobriety bday all in one week might seem like a lot (which it actually is-really, it's a lot..), I'm actually grateful for it too. I get it all done in one fell swoop. 

I remember what brought me to my knees as clear as day. I remember the feeling in my stomach. Butterflies with razor wings. I remember the shame, anger and frustration coursing through my veins like a hot toxic liquid. I wanted a different life. A life filled with happiness, clarity and positivity. I wanted to stop the insanity in my brain. I desperately wanted to quit drinking but I truly didn't think I could. At least not on my own.. Turns out, I didn't have to do it on my own. I put myself into rehab for 4 days upon the recommendation of a fellow alcoholic. It was the only way. I needed to be away from the temptation of the liquor store up the street and the bars close to my house. I needed an opportunity to go cold turkey. I had struggled for years with the knowledge I was a full-blown alcoholic. A blackout drinker who obsessed with it every minute of everyday. Even tho the rehab stint was only a matter of days it was exactly what I needed to get me started. I didn't really have any other choice you see. I didn't have the money to go away for a month. I had to work in order to pay my bills and rent. Going away for 28 days wasn't an option so I did what I could. The amount of gratitude I have for those 4 days at that detox centre is beyond words. I know in my guts that had I not gone there that day on January 2nd 2012 I would still be an active drunk today. 

So today is a good day. A great day. An absolutely, positively flipping amazing day. Even tho I'm battling a demon of a head cold I am sober. I am healthy (ish😉), happy and fit. I am writing this as I sit at IAM yoga where I am a teacher and one of the managers. I am so excited for 2016.. So much good is going to happen. I know that for sure too....