I have been stressed a lot this week. I made a mistake at my restaurant job and it threw me into a tizzy that just didn't seem normal. I am trying to get to the bottom of what is really bothering me. I have been maintaining my routine everyday. Waking up, drinking my lemon water, saying my thank you's, meditating and saying my prayers. So that's not it. December is always a crazy month. I always work more than I should and this year it's different because I have 3 other jobs to add to the list. Firstly, the yoga studio is new. I am managing a couple of nights a week and while you wouldn't think working at a yoga studio would be stressful, it actually is. Teaching is new. I haven't found a regular class that is totally mine as of yet but I have been subbing unexpectedly over the past two weeks, which is also stressing me out cause I feel like I should be teaching regularily by now and I'm not. And finally, trying to maintain a presence on my new blog/website is also new. It's a lot. I know this and as I type I now realize why my emotions have been getting the better of me. I'm tired. I am very tired. I looked at myself in the mirror this morning and saw huge bags under my eyes. I have officially bitten off more than I can chew.
Why do we do this to ourselves?
I have done a lot of work personally over the course of the past 4 years not including the therapy I did over 10 years ago. I know my triggers. But 1 thing that I still haven't figured out is that feeling of butterflies with razor wings in my belly. It comes when I get a text from my bosses, or colleagues. It comes when someone doesn't respond right away to a text or message. I know we all have it. We may call it different things but we all get it. I'm still working through my issues. Still wading through the years of crap that I covered up with drugs and alcohol. It's refreshing actually. Knowing that I still have work to do. So many layers to peel back. I'm grateful for it but it sucks ass all the same.
Back to December... I know what I have to do. First, I have to breathe deeply whenever that feeling comes up. Acknowledge its existence and breathe through it. Secondly, give myself a damn break. We are all human and we all make mistakes. Almost anything is fixable and not as nearly bad as it seems. If anyone out there that is reading this feels any thing like this please know you are not alone. Breathe it out. The universe has got your back and know that this too shall pass.